Today was one of those days where I wanted to lay in bed all day. Possibly cry. I don’t know. I’m so fucking scared.
I’m terrified to check my voicemail from my doctor’s office.
Goddamn, I am just scared. Times like these, I miss him. More than anything I just want to curl up in his arms, fall asleep on his chest and forget what’s actually happening. Or could be happening. I’m getting ahead of myself.
I just need to breathe. Just breathe. This is what happens when I’m left alone with my 2 AM thoughts.
At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.
So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.
12-year-old girl:I don't want kids when I grow up.
Society:You'll change your mind when you get older. You're only 12. You're too young to know what you want.
16-year-old girl:I'm pregnant.
Society:How could you be so stupid? Do you know anything about safe sex? You should be ashamed.
20-year-old woman:I'm a single mother with an infant son.
Society:You should've gone to college first. You need a stable career before you can support a child.
33-year-old woman:I'm married and my spouse and I both have stable careers. I have two young daughters now.
Society:You're not staying home? Who's going to take care of them? You're just going to put them in day care while you work? That's selfish of you. You can't expect to raise decent kids with a full-time job.
45-year-old woman:I just had my first child.
Society:Why would you have a child when you're that old? Do you realize the health risks of being pregnant at your age? When your kid is a teenager you'll be a senior citizen. That's inconsiderate of you.
60-year-old woman:I haven't had any children.
Society:Your life must be so unfulfilling. Is there something wrong with you? Why didn't you want kids? How strange.